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JOEY Restaurants Kelowna

#fullonmouthorgasm

While on our wine tour in the beautiful city of Kelowna, BC, we once again had dinner at an amazing restaurant, JOEY Restaurants Kelowna. So amazing that I’ve waited all fucking year to go back. The restaurants are modern and every detail from the lighting and furniture to the lounge and patio area were meticulously designed for casual dining. The patio has a cabana bar, a stream that flows around the perimeter of the patio, and a waterfall with botanical garden inspired landscaping.

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I’m also part stalker and research the shit out of everything! Anything can catch my interest including Facebook profiles, appliance reviews, restaurant reviews and history, real estate in foreign countries and pretty much anything my “Oh, Shiny!!” mind lands on. #crowlife. This is how I lose track of time in Googleland. I spent hours on google learning about bog bodies. Every page I opened had so much mind-blowingly interesting information that, if I were actually a crow, I would’ve gathered it all up and taken it back to my little nest filled with my little crow babies. The same thing happened with JOEY Kelowna. Last year, after experiencing the JOEY experience just once…I was infatuated. Kind of like what happened with my husband. I have a problem. Do they have a 12 step program for crows like me? Here, let me google that shit. No, there is not. Never fear! Check out our Tuesday Ramblings during the month of September for The Dollies: 12 Step Crowlife Anonymous Program.

Last year, the first thing on the menu that caught my eye was that the executive chef for JOEY Restaurants, Chris Mills, appeared on “Iron Chef Japan.” I love, love, love The Food Network so that’s where my google stalking began. He also competed in the prestigious Bocuse d’Or, which I then had to research. JOEY also has their own Iron-Chef-Like competitions!

“The Top Apprentice Cook Off in which 75 of the best Joey cooks compete in regional competitions across Canada. The top winners from each region will congregate at George Brown College in Toronto to participate in the final two-day event. The winner will receive a cash prize and bragging rights as the Joey Restaurants Top Apprentice. The competition is part of the company’s strategy to create a supreme brand of partners called the League of Extraordinary Chefs and create pride in it’s back-of-house employees. The challenge is one of four culinary competitions hosted annually, including The Apprentice Projects Challenge, whereby the challenger who completes the most projects from the Apprentice handbook wins; the Chefs Black Box at the Summit, which hosts a series of quick-fire and black box competitions; the Iron Chef Competition; and finally the Top Apprentice competition.”

All of this Food Network-ish inspired training and competing has created something fantastical. The food and cocktails are A-Fucking-Mazing! Seriously, every single thing on the plate was an orgasm-in-your-mouth, out-of-body, angels-singing moment. Okay, maybe not that dramatic but pretty fucking close.

*By the time we had finished our wine tour, changed, had more drinks and then walked to the restaurant, I might’ve had a bit to drink. I swear that I took pictures of the food. My husband also said I did because I yelled “Wait!!! I need pictures of the food.” However, both of our phones contained no pictures of the Joey food so I’m pretty sure I hit focus on my iPhone and never actually took the picture. So you are getting google pictures. Enjoy.

My husband and I both ordered the same thing as the previous year. Lobster and shrimp ravioli for my husband and stuck with my ultimate favorite steak and the crispy mashed potatoes.

 

The steak was pure perfection and the….wait. These need their own paragraph.

The crispy potatoes. I love potatoes but these were the best potato creation I’ve ever had the pleasure of putting into my mouth. Look at these babies and tell me your mouth isn’t already watering:

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Smooth mashed potatoes wrapped in a crispy blanket of love, hugged by a gentle drizzle of sour cream, and fondled with bacon and cheese to create potato perfection. Fuck, I just creeped myself out with that analogy. They really are amazing and should be on everyone’s “To Eat Before You Die” list.

“Each JOEY restaurant is unique, but they all have plenty in common: great food, fun times, and exceptional dining experiences.” (also just like my husband)

 

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Tuesday Ramblings

Endophobic Tendencies

While preparing ingredients for a charcuterie board and ingredients for pizza, I came to the life altering realization that I’m an endophobe. I was chopping off the icky pointy ends of the european pepperoni when I told R-Dolly that I can’t put the ends on the tray because they gross me out. I quickly looked over the other ingredients I’d already chopped. I’d removed the following: both ends of the cherry tomatoes, the little black apex of the red peppers, and the end pieces of the salami. Once I said it out loud, the realization froze me in place. I AM AN ENDOPHOBE!!!

I frantically thought back over the years and realized I’m one fucked up motherfucker. I don’t know what childhood trauma caused this phobia but I’ve apparently been like this since I was little. I NEVER eat the crusts of bread even if they’re the last pieces in the bag. I don’t like end or edge pieces of cake, lasagna, or anything else that’s cooked in a baking dish. I will take a piece out of the middle and leave all the edges intact. When I cook, I cut off the ends, stem area, and the apex of every fruit and vegetable. I cut the ends off of bananas which, honestly, everyone should do already because the little ends on the banana are just disgusting no matter what your feelings are about ends.

Don’t even get me started on end or expiry dates. Milk is to be dumped on the expiry date by someone other than myself, if there happens to be any left. I have cereal eaters at home so, thankfully, that doesn’t happen often. Sour milk is disgusting. I know that one began when I was little and drank expired milk without knowing the horror that was about to explode in my mouth.

The end of an amazing movie, trilogy, TV series, book or book series is a tragedy. I realize that during a horror movie there are only so many characters that can trip, fall and be murdered by an axe murderer; die of an unknown virus; turn into zombies or be murdered by a human sized sex-starved mutant bunny rabbit running around with a huge penis/dildo boner as he chases them. It’s an actual movie!!!! I can’t make shit like that up. Bunny, the Killer Thing was extremely entertaining and I feel weird admitting that I’ve watched it more than once, but I totally have. The huge dildo flapping in the wind as he chases females and a couple of unfortunate males while growling “PUSSY” was the funniest shit ever. It was hilarious and gory and disgusting. It’s also a Finnish Horror movie with subtitles and I love me some foreign horror movies! I believe there was an English dubbed version but I avoid those like the plague. The words not matching the mouth movement is too distracting.

Speaking about the sex-deprived mutant rabbit also makes me realize that my husband’s lucky that the penis has a ‘head’ and not an ‘end’ or his penis would’ve been hand and mouth deprived or, even worse, my habit of cutting the ends off everything might have disastrous consequences for his parts. Now that I’ve acknowledged my shortcoming concerning ends, I can accept myself for who I am and move on with my life.

~C. Dolly~