Monthly Articles

Tacky Tourist Birthday Party

Who doesn’t love a good theme party? We dollies are a sucker for a reason to dress up and mix/imbibe some drinks. Some people dread dressing up for parties, and of course you don’t have to, but why wouldn’t you? ONE of us, I’m not naming names, doesn’t even care if she is the only one in costume. Sometimes it’s okay to just rock a tutu while getting the groceries because you fucking feel like it. No other explanation needed. Own that shit!

Since one of us just got back from Mexico a few weeks ago we thought that we had sufficient inspiration to host a ‘Tacky Tourist’ themed birthday party to celebrate R-Dolly’s husband’s birthday.

Every good theme party needs a theme drink and sometimes a party is thrown just because you found a fantabulous cocktail that you can build a theme around. We are going super predictable and making margaritas. I know. Lame! But, they’re cheap and easy, just like us! HaHa! Just kidding –  we are definitely not cheap, just ask our husbands. It was a toss-up between the Margarita or the Paloma. The Paloma is a tequila, grapefruit, lime, club soda cocktail that is quite popular with the people of Mexico. With so much party prep to be done, we went with margaritas as they can be made a few days ahead, poured into small jars and kept in the freezer.

We’re about to tell you all a true story. One of us, in the past, has been known to mix up a blender full of margaritas and proceed to drink the whole thing because they didn’t want to waste one precious drop. Lo and behold! One day, on Pinterest, the heavens opened, angels sang and a Dolly was bathed in soft, golden light. It was a pin from theyummylife.com and was a recipe for ‘Make Ahead Frozen Margaritas.’ Make ahead? Well why in the fuck not? They’re FROZEN!!! Anyway, from that point on, a Dolly was a lot less intoxicated during the day.

We were originally going to do a buffet style dinner with enchiladas, refried beans, rice, etc… You know, keeping it simple. We adjusted our plan as the invite list began to grow and we ended up going with homemade sweets, finger food and frozen appetizers like Jalapeño Poppers and taquitos. We happen to think microwaved taquitos are akin to dog food, but baked in the oven they are passable and, most importantly, drunks don’t care! That shit was gone faster than a chicken running away from Ronald McDonald. Everything on our simple menu was made the night before except the poppers and taquitos, which were saved for a midnight snack to absorb some of the alcohol and to lessen the chances of anyone being put off by the smell of them cooking. Instead, at midnight, they all thought they smelled heavenly and devoured the store bought, prepackaged appetizers amid moans of “These are sooooo good!” Had we spent hours making the midnight snack appetizers for guests who had been drinking for 4 to 5 hours, we’re pretty sure they would have disappeared just as fast and gotten the same moans of appreciation and that would’ve fucking sucked. Party Planning 101: Know Your Crowd!

Tacky Food List

We hit up the dollar store for tissue paper to make some fabulous (such a great word – fabulousFABULOUS) crepe paper flowers (tutorial by Tori at Thoughtfully Simple), some amazing palm tree lights and tin containers to hold our food. The dollar store is the mothership for all crafters on a budget. We kept the decorations simple so as not to detract from all the colorful, tacky costumes that were about to fill the house.

Tip* If you find yourself going to a lot of theme parties, there is no better time to stock up on random costume pieces than right before Halloween

Animals were put away, music playlist was created and pre-drinks were had.  Let the party begin!

DIY

Crow Life

IMG_5816

Crow Life…not as exciting as Thug Life but it’s the only life I know. I’m like a crow and in my head I totally sang that to the tune of “I’m Like a Bird” by Nelly Furtado. Ooooohhh, Shiny!!!!!!

After the “Cocaine on the Carpet” caught my attention I noticed the glue gun on the cover of “A Hot Glue Gun Mess” and was mesmerized. It was so beautiful and crystally and I wanted one! Robin had a plethora (who doesn’t LOVE that word?) of crystals leftover from costumes and crafts so we decided to bling out our guns Mr.Kate style. Not real guns but our handy-dandy glue guns.

I’m pretty sure if we had real guns we would accidentally shoot each other while re-enacting “Charlie’s Angels.” Plus, who would take us seriously while we wielded our crystallized hand cannons? “Please Mr. Robber, give me a minute. A crystal fell off and it was the shiniest one!” or actual crows would swoop down to peck at the glittering work of art and the robber would have time to flee while I fought for my life like Tippi Hedren in Hitchcock’s “The Birds.”

All it took to recreate these beauties were the crystals and a hot glue gun to decorate. Robin used an extra glue gun to attach her crystals onto her new mini glue gun, which was the safest and easiest method. I plugged in my small go-to glue gun and used it to decorate itself. Even though it was warm, especially near the tip, it still worked fine and the crystals stayed in place. However, I had 99% of the shrieking “holy fucking shit” moments trying to peel off the crystal sticking to my skin with molten glue. The crystals were from a dollar store and we used about two packages per gun. One package of our main crystal colors and the second package had smaller crystals to fill in the spaces with contrasting colors to add little pops of color. When we finished our crafting, we were cradling our shiny glue guns like Golem, stroking them gently and whispering “My Precious.” – C. Dolly

Cost per gun: $5.50 CAD

  • Mini glue gun – $3 (Dollar Store)
  • Crystals – $1.25 x 2

Cost: $0 per gun  (If you use a gun you already own and are a crystal-hoarding crow.)

Monthly Articles

A Hot Glue Gun Mess

Book Review

A Hot Glue Gun Mess  by Mr. Kate

a hot glue gun mess

I was flipping through a book at work and the title of a chapter caught my eye.

“Cocaine on the Carpet.”

Yes, it popped out just. like. that. Intriguing. I started reading it and fell in LOVE with Mr. Kate who describes herself like this: “My yins and yangs are humor and intense ambition, prettiness and roughness, weird and real, rhinestones and dirt, feminine and masculine, Mr. and Kate.” I wonder how long it took her to come up with that “About Me.” Kate Albrecht grew up with a high-powered Hollywood father and an oddball, down-to-earth mother and had a childhood that would be considered anything but “normal.” In “A Hot Glue Gun Mess,” she has shared 50 stories about her life that have each been the inspiration for a DIY project. Most of the stories are about 2 pages long and fucking hilarious! She attended the Waldorf school which “emphasizes the role of imagination in learning, striving to integrate holistically the intellectual, practical, and artistic development of pupils.” Her stories range from: an attempted weekend of being a player, finding out your years long best friend has always been a high-priced hooker, her love of humping starting at age two and wearing a Betsey Johnson eggplant-colored, crushed velvet, skintight 1940s style bathing suit to dinner at Nobu with her parents and Tom Hanks when she was fourteen.

Reading through her stories, I felt a sense of wonder and longing for what it would have been like to lead a life like hers. At sixteen, Kate’s parents took her and a friend to their apartment in New York City and, because the two girls were taking cabs, they let them stay out until 12:30 am. Did I mention she was sixteen? Holy crap! How amazing would that have been? Mr. Kate was allowed to roam a city of 8.4 MILLION people. I mean, they even managed to get into a strip club and have all their expectations of “a land of lithe ladies with the most perfect perkies you ever did see” dashed with a vision of “some lady with very visible cellulite squeaking down a pole, the whole place smelled like a sweaty foot, and the male clientele all looked like my mouth-breathing history teacher.” How come I was never allowed to wander until 12:30 am in a city with a population of 10,000 when i was sixteen years old? Even though I had my license, I would have paid one of the two cabs that our city had to take my ass downtown so I could find my fun until 12:30 am. Unfortunately, our city didn’t even have a strip club to try to sneak into. Actually, we had nothing to sneak into at that time of night. I mean Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Everything was locked up tight by 6 pm downtown other than a McD’s and Tim’s that were open until 11 pm. Our two malls closed at 9 pm on weekdays and at 6 pm on Saturdays and Sundays. After 6 pm, tumbleweeds would roll down the 3 blocks that made up main street. Picture the Wild West but add paved streets…and minus those sexy gunslingers, guns low on their hips,  sauntering down the barren wasteland, the jangling of their spurs calling out to the Ladies of the Night and any other hot gunslingers wanting to duel. Anyhow, back to my 12:30 am destination choices. The two bars closed at 1 am and sadly, living in a city this small, my chances of sneaking into a bar past a bouncer I knew probably would have failed miserably and my night would have ended with me being hauled home in the back of my parents minivan. So, my one and only destination would have been one of the two convenience stores that were open (are you also noticing there were two of everything??) Don’t get me wrong, 7-Eleven is great for a late night stop on your way home from a party to get drunk snacks and a Pepsi for the inevitable morning after hangover. I realize now that, had I been allowed to stay out until 12:30 am, 7-Eleven would have paled in comparison to Mr. Kate’s New York City experiences. I’ll just make myself feel better with the images in my head of that hot gunslinger, make it two dueling hot gunslingers, wearing nothing but their cowboy hats, gun holsters, chaps and cowboy boots. Yum.

My favorite stories in the book have to be “Pomegranates and Porn” and “One Flew Into the Cuckoo’s Nest.” Most of the stories made me laugh out loud and I’d get side-looks from my family, but I’m used to getting those looks from them so no fucks were given – C.Dolly

Check out our “Hot Glue Gun Mess” DIY Inspirations:

Crow Life

Twig Art

Painting Dolly Style

 

Visit your local library or see if it’s available on your library’s online ebook catalogue

OR

Purchase your own copy:

Amazon or Chapters