While preparing ingredients for a charcuterie board and ingredients for pizza, I came to the life altering realization that I’m an endophobe. I was chopping off the icky pointy ends of the european pepperoni when I told R-Dolly that I can’t put the ends on the tray because they gross me out. I quickly looked over the other ingredients I’d already chopped. I’d removed the following: both ends of the cherry tomatoes, the little black apex of the red peppers, and the end pieces of the salami. Once I said it out loud, the realization froze me in place. I AM AN ENDOPHOBE!!!
I frantically thought back over the years and realized I’m one fucked up motherfucker. I don’t know what childhood trauma caused this phobia but I’ve apparently been like this since I was little. I NEVER eat the crusts of bread even if they’re the last pieces in the bag. I don’t like end or edge pieces of cake, lasagna, or anything else that’s cooked in a baking dish. I will take a piece out of the middle and leave all the edges intact. When I cook, I cut off the ends, stem area, and the apex of every fruit and vegetable. I cut the ends off of bananas which, honestly, everyone should do already because the little ends on the banana are just disgusting no matter what your feelings are about ends.
Don’t even get me started on end or expiry dates. Milk is to be dumped on the expiry date by someone other than myself, if there happens to be any left. I have cereal eaters at home so, thankfully, that doesn’t happen often. Sour milk is disgusting. I know that one began when I was little and drank expired milk without knowing the horror that was about to explode in my mouth.
The end of an amazing movie, trilogy, TV series, book or book series is a tragedy. I realize that during a horror movie there are only so many characters that can trip, fall and be murdered by an axe murderer; die of an unknown virus; turn into zombies or be murdered by a human sized sex-starved mutant bunny rabbit running around with a huge penis/dildo boner as he chases them. It’s an actual movie!!!! I can’t make shit like that up. Bunny, the Killer Thing was extremely entertaining and I feel weird admitting that I’ve watched it more than once, but I totally have. The huge dildo flapping in the wind as he chases females and a couple of unfortunate males while growling “PUSSY” was the funniest shit ever. It was hilarious and gory and disgusting. It’s also a Finnish Horror movie with subtitles and I love me some foreign horror movies! I believe there was an English dubbed version but I avoid those like the plague. The words not matching the mouth movement is too distracting.
Speaking about the sex-deprived mutant rabbit also makes me realize that my husband’s lucky that the penis has a ‘head’ and not an ‘end’ or his penis would’ve been hand and mouth deprived or, even worse, my habit of cutting the ends off everything might have disastrous consequences for his parts. Now that I’ve acknowledged my shortcoming concerning ends, I can accept myself for who I am and move on with my life.