Top 10

Top 10 Most Interesting People at a Party

people watching

“People watching or crowd watching is the act of observing people and their interactions. It involves picking up on idiosyncrasies to try to guess at another person’s story. This includes speech in action, relationship interactions, body language, expressions and activities.”

Since I was little, I’ve subconsciously watched people around me. I’ve never done it in a degrading way. I find human interactions fucking fascinating and when I was in Las Vegas there was a plethora of specimens to observe. “Actions speak louder than words” is the best way to describe what you can learn while watching others around you. You learn who people are and what their character traits are by watching how they interact with the world and by paying attention to how they treat and interact with others.

  1. The Know-It-All – I don’t know which person is more enjoyable to watch. The person who thinks they’re always right and will defend that position until their last gasp of poisoned brown air or the person who actually is right and is trying to state their reasons why they’re right. Even if the answer was sitting right between the two people, glowing hot pink and waving frantically at The Know-It-All, that bitch would still argue that they were right. It’s not enjoyable when it’s yourself trying to talk to The Know-It-All – unless you find a way to have fun with them. Here’s a tip: make up something totally, ridiculously false that sounds true just to hear them argue about it because you know they’ll lose sleep for days to come by preparing their arguments for your next meeting.
  2. The Belligerent Drunk – Hopefully, this dude shows up with someone willing to wrangle them into a cab when they’ve worn out their welcome. The person who goes from laughing one minute to yelling and getting violent the next. Then, goes back to laughing. It’s a vicious circle that needs to be broken by going the fuck home.
  3. The Drunken Ho – The D.H. is a wily one. Usually they’re smart enough to attach themselves to single guys/girls. Every once in awhile, they go all no-fucks-given and try to get with an attached. Who’s attachee isn’t putting up with that shit. All hell breaks loose and it’s on. Like Donkey Kong.donkey
  4. The Insecure Bitch – You know the one. The one who once upon a time dated, kissed, talked to or heard about the guy you’re with. The one who sits with her group of friends and says hi to everyone but you and then rolls her eyes and makes meaningful eye contact with the girls around her as you walk by. The one who really needs to find happiness within herself and stop photoshopping all her pictures because she’s truly beautiful just the way she is.
  5. The Text-A-Holic – This type of person isn’t only rude at a party. They’re assholes everywhere! This is the person who spends most of their time at a party talking to others while simultaneously texting because they’re either delusional and think they’re so fucking important that the world will end if they don’t respond to the text or they have low self-esteem and want to appear important. Either way, they should’ve just stayed home and sent texts to the people at the party because trying to have a conversation with someone who is saying “uh-huh” as they type furiously on their phone is a total fun-sucking experience. It’s completely acceptable to tell them they’re being a douchecanoe or, if you want to avoid the potential fallout, just walk away when they’re mid-text.
  6. The Stoner – They appear as if out of nowhere, cloaked in a cloud of smoke, like a chill magician full of eternal wisdom. They can be found lounging peacefully in a comfortable chair sharing the secrets to a fulfilling life or, in some cases, hiding in a shed frantically inhaling and waving the smoke away before someone with judgie eyes happens upon them.
  7. The It’s-All-About-Me – Not to be confused with The Drama Queen, The It’s-All-About-Me is the person who is loud and can’t refrain from butting into every conversation. However, instead of talking about other people, they focus on getting every single conversation back onto the most important subject–themselves. They will interrupt you mid-sentence to say they, or their children, did the same thing. But better. And faster. Before they were even born. You’ll never finish a sentence when they’re around and they’ll only move along to the next victims when their bat-like hearing picks up another topic of conversation they can be better at.
  8. The All-Up-On-Ya-Talker – Some people are oblivious to the “personal bubble.” I have a bubble and if you get all up in it and I don’t really know you, I have no problem telling you to back off. I’ve actually uttered the words “fuck off or die” on occasion. It creeps me out and actually makes my skin crawl. If I know you, and like you, the bubble disappears. While at a party, I was watching an extremely drunk guy talk to my husband, Derek. The Talker was weaving back and forth towards Derek, almost yelling, falling on him whenever he laughed and was totally oblivious to the look of horror on Derek’s face and the “help me” look he kept giving me. I would’ve saved him but, quite frankly, I was so relieved and kind of excited that it was happening to someone else and I could observe. I was surprised to see how much restraint my man had and how he effectively dealt with the situation (if you call “effective” pawning the talker off on someone else and then spending the rest of the night ducking and weaving to remain out of his line of sight.)
  9. The Unknown – Probably the most feared of all party guests, The Unknown really should walk into your house with the Jaws theme proceeding them. They usually end up being a lot of fun but every once in awhile, it’s a horrifying train wreck that’s invited to cross the threshold. Like a vampire. And while you may want to sharpen a stake in preparation for the inevitable, it’s a highly frowned upon solution. By the time they’ve been forcefully removed, they’ve managed to drip food out of their mouths and back into the food bowls, onto the Drama Queen, on the floor and down their permanently stained wife-beater.
  10. The Drama Queen – The Drama Queen doesn’t just focus on herself. She’s a multi-tasking maniac: She will cut The Know-It-All down to size for not agreeing with her; spread gossip about The All-About-Me because she’s taking her limelight ; freak out about the drink that The All-Up-On-Ya dribbled on her; use her judgie eyes on The Stoner; scream at The Text-A-Holic for ignoring her; make The Insecure Bitch even more insecure; throw the food that The Unknown spilled on her back into his face; push The Belligerent Drunk so far past anger that he’s sitting in a safe place rocking back and forth while sobbing; and goes all Donkey Kong on The Drunken Ho for trying to attach to her boyfriend. She’s a fascinating creature to watch because the next aneurysm inducing catastrophe is just around the corner.

~C. Dolly~

Top 10

Top 10 Plants for the Modern Mixologist’s Garden

Mint – Mint is probably the most commonly used fresh herb for cocktails. Mojitos and Juleps are the most well-known mint drinks, but this leaf brings refreshing flavor wherever it’s used. Used as a garnish, muddled and for infused spirits, mint is an important part of a mixologist’s garden.

Basil – Varieties of the complex, aromatic herb can be sweet, peppery or citrusy with clove overtones. Basil is a great all-purpose herb that adds great flavor to gin, tequila, or rum drinks to name a few. Muddled, used as a garnish or used in a simple syrup, basil can give new life to your usual cocktails.

Cucumber – The mild, crisp, clean flavor of cucumbers is becoming increasingly popular for cocktails. Used as a garnish, fresh sliced, muddled and for infused and distilled spirits, cucumber is found in many cocktails including Pimm’s, margaritas and martinis.

Strawberries – Sweet strawberries, fresh and frozen, are great in drinks and are an integral part of any bar. They can be made into syrup, for infused and distilled spirits, strawberry liqueurs and as a garnish.

Blueberries – You may come across cocktails that feature the sweet-tart taste of those delicious little blueberries. They can be used fresh, as a juice, or in the form of a blueberry-flavored vodka or liqueur. The flavor is unique in mixed drinks and if you’re looking for a fabulous, fresh taste, give a blueberry cocktail a try.

Hot Peppers – For a spicy little cocktail, try making your own Tabasco/hot sauce for caesars with fresh hot peppers. These spicy little beauties can be used muddled, for infused spirits, syrup and as a garnish. Remember that different peppers offer different flavors and levels of heat.

Rhubarb – Sweet-tart rhubarb is usually made into a syrup before being added to cocktails or used for a garnish. It’s used in margaritas, paloma, mimosas, bellinis and can be mixed with other fruit flavors to create unique cocktails.

Raspberries – Easy to grow, raspberries add their incredible fruity flavor to cocktails. They can be muddled, made into a syrup, for infused spirits, as a garnish and in liqueur such as Kelowna B.C.’s Urban Distilleries Raspberry Liqueur, which is fabulous mixed with Fentiman’s Rose Lemonade.

Rosemary – For many people, rosemary looks and tastes like pine needles. The rich, woody flavor of rosemary can be added as a sprig or muddled in gin or vodka. You can also make a rosemary syrup for drinks like the “Rosemary Bourbon Sour.”

Borage – This cucumber flavored herb is also known as starflower or bee bush and has so many uses. It attracts bees for pollination and repels insects. It can be used in salads, jellies, soups, the flowers can be candied and it is used in many cocktails. Borage is also used in Pimm’s cocktails. Check out this link for more information on Borage.

~C. Dolly~

Top 10

Top 10 Ways You Can Ruin Your Family Camping Trip

  1. Not prepackingNOTHING will get your camping trip off to a shitty start more than leaving everything until the last minute. I’m the queen of procrastination so I have life experience with this and know what the fuck I’m talking about. You will start your magical family trip off with anger, stress and hours of wondering “Did I forget anything?” You will have even less patience to deal with your annoying husband who had everything on his list done ahead of time and lets you know it every time you mention that you’re feeling a little stressed. You will tell him to “Shut the fuck up or I’m gonna cut a bitch” and he will laugh and say “That’s okay. I have time to go to emergency because all my shit is done.”  If you have small children, you will not only be frantically rushing around but you will have to deal with: 

“I’m hungry!!!!”

“Lucifer hit me” “

“I lost my marble up my nose!” (In which case, you can tell your husband to take your child to emergency with him since he’s headed there to get stitched up anyways)

2. Not packing appropriately – Depending on where you live, rain gear is essential to having a happy camping trip. Rubber boots, waterproof jackets and waterproof pants are a parent’s best friend. Blowing through every outfit that you brought for your child in 5 hours because of a downpour is hardly conducive to a relaxing trip. Also, forgetting your swimsuit and watching everyone else splashing each other, having fun and keeping cool in the sweltering heat either leaves you swimming in your undies or damaging your children for life by skinny dipping with no fucks given.

3. Not calling ahead to make reservations – Don’t be a douche. Seriously. Pulling into a RV park/campsite and getting pissed off at the person in the office because YOU didn’t make a reservation and THEY have no room to accommodate you is a dick move. It’s not their fault that your poor planning has led to everyone in your vehicle being hot, tired, cranky and homeless for the night. When you make reservations, also ask if there are gates that are locked at night or office hours for check in. Some of the provincial parks have gates that are locked at 11pm.

4. Not packing supplies for emergency repairs – Make sure the spare tire on the back of your trailer/motorhome is in good shape. Things like tarps, extra tent pegs, tent patches and air mattress patches are essential for tenting. Also, make sure you have a fully stocked first aid kit for when you or your husband get hurt from flailing around, cursing and all but throwing yourself down on the ground in a tantrum while trying to successfully repair something.

5. Food poisoning – Dealing with vomiting children while vomiting yourself is hell. Sorry, I mean it’s HELL!!! If you’re camping in a trailer, it’s pretty much like being at home except you have nowhere to hide and pretend that you’ve disappeared so your partner has to take a turn on vomit patrol. If you’re tenting, well, you’re fucked. Ain’t nobody sleeping while the air mattress is moving like the sea in a storm because someone on the other side is violently hurling over the edge.

6. Tenting – Tenting, for me, is akin to willingly taking a family road trip to Hell for a week. Fire and brimstone raining down upon you as you canoe down a river of lava that is filled with big-ass hungry spiders who have been waiting for your arrival so that they can: #1 – Eat you and #2 – Lay their eggs in your corpse to hatch. A bit dramatic? Maybe, but that’s what the definition of “tenting” should be in the dictionary. No matter what you put underneath it, the air mattress sucks up every bit of cold from the earth until you can barely sleep because your body has become hypothermic. However, once the sun even begins to rise, your tent is like a fucking incinerator. There is no happy medium.

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Dusk
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Dawn

7. Lopping off a body part – Any sort of medical emergency while camping can put a damper on the festivities. Laying back and relaxing in your anti-gravity chair, drinking wine and eating some delicious junk food that only seems to be purchased for camping trips is completely ruined by your husband or child running up to you holding a finger from their left hand in their right hand. Sometimes you’ll luck out and they’ll only lose the tip of a finger. Fingertips are like lizard tails, they grow back. At least that’s what I told my kids and they could be hand models now, so I wasn’t wrong.

8. Obnoxious neighbours – The best camping trips are those that you take with friends and family. You expect to hear: kids playing, laughing and crying; music playing in at least one campsite; and boats and Sea-Doo’s razzing around on the lake. Obnoxious parents who have 8 obnoxious kids, ranging from late teens to small children, that run around with their spawn playing hide and seek underneath your trailers and trucks, running behind the lawn chair that you’re sitting in and almost pulling you over backwards because they grab onto it so they can crouch down to hide, peeking in everyone’s windows, their kids stealing someone’s canoe in the middle of the night and then abandoning it part way down the lake at the end of a trail are the neighbours we once had and that you hope to avoid. People also need to respect occupied campsites. Don’t be a dillhole and walk through the middle of an occupied site. Take an extra few steps and follow the path to your destination.

9. Not having enough things to keep busy – “I’m bored!!!” Two words guaranteed to destroy that nice relaxed glow you’ve got going on. We always hauled the girls bikes with us when we went camping and we had a dvd player for the car so they could watch a movie in the tent/trailer before bed or if it was raining. Most kids are pretty good at seeking out others of their kind and we’d quite often see the horde of bikers grow with each lap they made around the campground.

10. Underestimating your alcoholic needs – This is a biggie. Especially if you encounter any of the above situations. You would sell your soggy, vomiting, bleeding 9-fingered children for just one glass of wine. I mean, I wouldn’t because that’s WRONG! I could probably get a whole bottle for one of my kids. This is why I love camping in places that aren’t too far from a city. You run out of booze? ROADTRIP!!!! ~ C. Dolly


Top 10

Top 10 Items to Rock the Trailer Park

Trailer Park Princess is not only a look, but a full on dedicated lifestyle. Google it and thousands of images will come up that range anywhere from the redneck frat party look to pin-up. Our everyday personal style has always fit well into this category and falls somewhere a little closer to pin-up but with a healthy dose of backwoods hillbilly thrown in as well. And no, I don’t mean to be disrespectful or condescending. It’s how we were raised and we’re proud of it. We know how to get shit done and look fantastic doing it.

  1.  Curlers and a hair scarf/bandana! I do not travel ANYWHERE without my velcro curlers. They are an absolute life saver for my flat hair. And particularly useful if you happen to not have power hook ups and are just using a generator. A blowdryer uses a surprising amount of power and some parks only allow you to run your generator during specific hours.
  2. Make-up. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it still make a sound? Yes. And if you walk out in the woods with no make up on and you think nobody will see you, will anyone know? YES!!! Because someone will always see you if you look like shit! It’s inevitable. Ever try to sneak into town in your sweats because you just have to run a quick errand? Sure as shit, you see 2 ex boyfriends and your arch nemesis from high school.  Want to ensure you have some peace and quiet? Make sure you’re looking fantastic. You never see anyone when your look is on point.
  3. Super cute footwear. Flip flops, hopefully with rhinestones or flowers glued on; slippers for your trailer, preferably with a fluffy animal or a heel; rubber boots in any colour other than black or white and a pair of cute running shoes that you do not, under any circumstances, actually run in. Unless you’re camping at Crystal Lake and Jason is in the next site.
  4. Spandex anything. However, be careful around the fire unless you want to rock the holey look.
  5. Flannel shirt. Because it’s practical, and warm and makes you look like you can chop wood even if in reality you would probably cut your own foot off by accident.
  6. Jean shorts/capris
  7. Sundresses. Plural! Because you don’t have to find anything to match and if you’re wearing your yoga shorts and cute sports bra underneath, you can just take it off and go swimming. Win win!
  8. Cute coats. Mother nature can be a bitch. Make sure you have enough variety to keep you cozy. You want to look good, but you don’t want to look unprepared. Bring a jean jacket, rain coat and something warm. I actually love a nice quilted flannel work coat for sitting around the fire.
  9. Flask/blinged out drinking cup for your evenings around the fire.
  10. Retro bikini or one piece. Hopefully one with a built in tummy tamer after you’ve been eating nothing but cheetos and redneck sushi.

A few of our favourite places to shop online are: Blame Betty (Canada), Black Milk (Australia) and Sourpuss Clothing (US) – R. Dolly

Top 10

Top 10 Items to Pack in Your Carry-On

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Most airlines allow you to have 2 carry-on items such as a small bag and a purse or back pack. Make sure you check the size dimensions allowed and limitations on articles you can bring prior to flying. If you are flying with young children/strollers, there are often exceptions to how many items you can bring as well.

Here is our list of Top 10 Essential Items to Have in Your Carry On.

  1. Medications and legal pharmaceuticals (including gravol, tums, your travel sized first aid kit, Benadryl, epi-pen, etc…)
  2. All of your important papers such as passports, travel insurance, cash, flight information, consulate contact information, and final destination information. On the plane, you are often asked to fill out a form stating your final destination (address, phone number,   etc… ) I always keep this information with my passport. I also have a photocopy of my fellow travelers’ passports, etc… in case they lose theirs. If you happen to know someone who speaks the language fluently, have their number so you can contact them if needed to help you out of any tricky situations. Double points if they’re actually a lawyer! I also leave a copy of this information with a trusted person (such as my mommy) back home.
  3. Extra change of clothes (bathing suit, flip flops (even I know that it is inappropriate to call them thongs now), shorts, underwear, pajamas and a dress shirt/dress). I actually have about a week’s worth of clothes shrunken down in an air compressed bag (I purchased mine at WalMart). If my luggage gets lost, I’m good. You can usually spot the poor people who had delayed or lost luggage. They are often wearing sweat pants in sweltering heat and have a slightly unwashed appearance. It’s like they just gave up on showering since they have no clean clothes to change into anyway.
  4. Food. Check your airline prior to flying. Sometimes your airline will offer you a complimentary bag of pretzels, but that will hardly hold you over for 5 hours. You can buy a sandwich or a piece of pizza for the price of your first born child if you wish, but I prefer to have a few granola bars on hand. You can also stop at the restaurant of your choice prior to boarding and take your meal/sandwich with you. All purchases need to be made with a credit card.
  5. Stay hydrated! Although you cannot pack bottles of water with you, you can buy them after you pass through security.
  6. You can either have your own headphones to watch movies, or you can buy them for around $10 from the airline if you forget.
  7. Blow up neck pillow for comfort (doesn’t take up space in your carry on)
  8. Gum. Helps pop your ears for take-off and landing. If you have small children, having them suck from their bottle during these times helps as well.
  9. Book/magazines to occupy your time if you don’t want to watch movies the whole flight (make sure you check your flight number to see if you need to download an app prior to takeoff. Some airlines do not have screens and you need their app to watch movies on your own device.)
  10. Electronic devices such as cell phone chargers, power adaptor, cameras. We always travel with a white noise machine as well that we can plug in at our hotel to drown out the sound of screaming kids and drunken adults. We also take our luggage weigh scale to make sure that our luggage is not overweight. You will often pay more for overweight luggage than you will for an extra bag.

img_5819.jpgMy carry on is 15″ long, 11″ high and 10″ deep. I fit every thing mentioned above into my one carry on. Just for interest, I am showing you the clothes that I also fit into my compressed bag: 5 dresses, flip flops, a cardigan, bathing suit, 1 pair of shorts, 1 tank top, nightgown and underwear (which I chose not to put in the picture). Note that I keep my shoes in a ziploc bag inside of the bag. In case there is dog poop residue on the bottoms, I don’t want it touching my clothes! The amount of clothing/shoes that I can fit in my carry on will hold me quite comfortably if my equally tiny luggage under the plane gets delayed or lost.

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What are your essential carry on items? Share them with us in the comments section. Also, feel free to share any interesting body cavity search experiences you have had. Airport/MileHigh Club stories only! – perverts…. 🙂 – The Dollies