I’m pretty non-offendable and even my kids have to reign some of my ideas back a bit, so if I take issue with something, rest assured, it’s bad. And then you always have to take into account your personal safety. Out on the town for the night with a bunch of drunk people? You may not want to be at the heart of the evening’s controversy.
Number one. Black Face. Enough said.
Number Two. Donald Trump. Although I can appreciate the humour you were going for, he is a controversial enough figure where you may have to take a couple of hits before the night is over. You actually want to have fun, not defend your stance on North Korea while in the middle of a crowded bar.
Number Three. I’d like to think that this is a given, but dressing up as a sexualized child is extremely distateful.
Four. If you’re a smoker, or plan on standing next to one at some point, make sure you’re costume isn’t overly flammable. No good time ever includes, “Stop, drop and roll!”
Number five. Do a costume/make up trial in advance. Make sure your glue on eyes will stick and not melt off your face into the dip. Plan on dancing like a maniac? Try out your best ‘five shots in a row and lighting up the dance floor’ moves to make sure you won’t expose yourself. Speaking of exposing yourself, if you’re a ‘sexy’ anything make sure you can actually bend over and not see vagina. This is what’s typically known as a cooch check in the dancing industry. Although the cooch check is generally to make sure that everything looks good and doesn’t have toilet paper stuck to it, for our purposes we want to make sure that we don’t see it at all! No one is giving you money for your performance, no matter what your fantasy is.
Number Six. This one kind of goes hand in hand with number five. Halloween is not an excuse to wear lingerie out in public. Slapping on a pair of ears and a tail does not a costume make.
Seven. Make sure you can still drink! Latex and masks can all impede your ability to consume your nectar of life. Make sure this isn’t an issue.
Eight. Don’t supersize it. If you can’t get in your car or through the door, you’ll spend your night partying by yourself on the lawn.
Nine. Don’t have anything on your costume, such as metal or realistic looking weapons, that will fail the security check at the bar.
Ten. DO have a solution as to where to put your keys/ID if you choose to go the less is more route.
We would like to add that we’re all for freedom of expression and are the first to admit that political correctness has taken some of the fun out of Halloween. If you choose to walk the line this Halloween, you may have to own your assholeness and be prepared to take the backlash on social media.