Tuesday Ramblings

The 12 Steps of Crowlife Anonymous



Because Crowlife recovery is a lifelong process, there’s no wrong way to approach the 12 Steps as the participant tries to figure out what works best for their individual needs. In fact, most participants find that they will need to revisit some steps or even tackle more than one of the steps at a time.

Crows are NOT hoarders, no matter what my husband and children say. For example: I have a Tupperware cake taker. Do I use it all the time? No. Does that mean that my girls are going to pry it out of my midget-like grasp without giving me their first born child in exchange for it? Hell No! Honestly, I shouldn’t have to explain why touching my shit will end badly for them. Hoarders collect and surround themselves with useless items like rotting pumpkins (“It was a niiiice pumpkin!”), human and animal feces, dirty dishes and baby clothing when there’s not a baby in their life. Although, maybe there is a baby, but it’s been lost amongst the pumpkins and dishes. Crows surround themselves with fresh air, a nice comfortable high-rise nest and the shinies that they’ve collected. Crows also kick ungrateful, decluttering babies out of the nest with no fucks given.


Here are the 12 Steps of Crowlife Anonymous as defined by The Dollies:

  1. We admitted we were powerless over the ‘Oh, Shiny!’ – that our lives had become unmanageable without crafting bins to hold The Shinies – Acceptance is the key to happiness.
  2. Came to realize that a High Priestess, with power greater than our own, couldn’t restore us to sanity – Let’s be honest, there’s nothing that can restore our sanity. We’re quite simply fucked. I’m not complaining because I enjoy having people wonder if that little piece of insanity they glimpse once in awhile has escaped from the much larger meteor of insanity that is caught in my gravitational field.  
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the call of the wild – Crows are wild. And free. They’re also scavengers. Anyone watching us go through sale bins in a craft store would totally see the resemblance.
  4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of our gems and shiny bits – As I stated in my article Crowlife, you can often find us going through our containers to familiarize ourselves with The Shinies we’ve collected long ago, but never found the perfect use for. Yet.
  5. Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs – R. Dolly and I freely admit the nature of our wrongs to each other all the time. Sometimes we even temporarily trade shiny things so that we feel like we could get rid of them if we really needed to.
  6. Were entirely ready to have each other remove any shiny defects – Defects are not acceptable, unless they can be hidden or camouflaged in some way. If we show each other a damaged shiny and can’t figure out a way to hide or camouflage it, we have no problem letting the other person dispose of it.
  7. Humbly ask for help to remove our shortcomings – Nobody wants to run out of supplies halfway through a crafting project. We have no problem asking for help to alleviate the burden of under-stocked supplies.  
  8. Made a list of persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all – On occasion we may have trampled some poor unaware crafter or random loiterer as we rushed towards the sale bins. We need to let go of our impure thoughts that they shouldn’t have been just standing in the way talking on their cell phones or texting and ultimately caused their own injuries.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would cause injuries to yourself – Crafters are a vicious breed. We Dollies have no problem making amends, but some of those bitches just can’t let shit go.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it – If one of us mistakenly thinks we have enough supplies for a craft and run out before we finish, we have no problem admitting we fucked up.
  11. Sought through Google and Pinterest to improve our knowledge when something isn’t turning out as planned and gained the power to carry on – Dollies never give up. Ever. I just purchased a new glue in the hopes of finally securing my solo cup to it’s candle holder base from the May White Trash Party.
  12. Having had a Crowlife awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other Crowlifers (and non-Crowlifers) and to practice these principles in our daily lives – We’ve accepted who we are and realize that there’s nothing wrong with living the Crowlife way. Find inspiration in everything that surrounds you and be creative. And as long as those annoying bitches stay out of our way at the craft sale bins, life will continue on for them as per usual and we’ll stay out of jail. Nobody wants to see me do this:

Attack Cat Bush~C. Dolly~


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