Tuesday Ramblings

Death By Dildo

Death is inevitable. Most people, including myself, don’t want to die and there’s a fear and anxiety surrounding the thought of death. Gone are the days of your body being disposed of in a peat bog or lit up on a funeral pyre. Now the process is more civilized (expensive) and your body is carefully lowered into the ground in an ornate satin-lined coffin or cremated fully clothed to protect your dignity and your ashes are placed into an ornate silver urn. We’ve taken the original earthy idea and basically bedazzled it. #Crowlife

People see all sorts of weird and crazy shit during their lifetime (thank you social media!!) and I’m pretty open and intrigued by most things. I’m not a religious person nor am I a straight-laced, uptight bitch. I don’t have judgie eyes like lobsters do and I try not to judge others (unless the person is an asshole or a total idiot who’s going to become the downfall of society, which there is a plethora of.) Creepy, odd, strange and brilliant ideas are fascinating. Dirty and dark humor are what I love. People can be so creative and ingenious. They can also come up with ideas that make open-minded people like myself pause and say:


What’s too far for this Dolly?

“Dutch designer Mark Sturkenboom has just created a sex toy that includes a mini-urn to hold the cremated remains of that special someone.”

21 Grams is a memory box that holds the cremated remains of your loved one inside a glass dildo, a brass key on a necklace to lock it, a perfume/cologne diffuser that holds the departed’s signature scent and an iPod amplifier to listen to the music that reminds you of them as you’re getting down to business.

How in the fuck would you get turned on enough to use it. There isn’t enough lube in the world. Your vag would just close up tight when that goddamned dildo started heading towards it.

I told my husband that no matter how much I love him, his remains will never take up residence in my toys. I did, however, give him permission to use my remains in a fleshlight type device because I know he’ll be so devastated without me. He gave me a completely horrified WTF look. So I’m pretty sure he’s going to replace me with a blond with huge boobs. She’d never have my personality or sense of humor but neither would a fleshlight containing my ashes.

C. Dolly

Tuesday Ramblings

My Phone is So Old, It’s Almost Steampunk Cool

I used to think that I was above average when it came to technology and the use of it. But it seems like the more advancements that have been made, the more my technology is being limited.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my gadgets. What I don’t love is that updates happen whether you want them to or not, and then your storage gets maxed, your battery dies quicker and you find yourself needing a new phone. I don’t like to be tricked into purchasing the latest model when my old one works worked perfectly fine.  My kids may laugh at me for being so old school, but my devices are pretty much indestructible and I can add any music that I want onto them. I don’t have to re-purchase and only listen to it on the device of some conglomorates choosing. I also don’t have to replace every accessory that comes with it because they changed their outlets to help promote their sales. No broken screens for me! And, double bonus, I can leave them pretty much anywhere and no one will ever steal them. Half of the time no one even knows what they are!

This is my phone of choice


And this is how I listen to music

mp3 player

I have also realized that I am not alone. I have met people who have started stock piling these devices because they are awfully hard to buy now. We usually get them given to us for free as well. I am well prepared for the day when mine breaks down or wears out since I have a few in the kitchen storage drawer just in case. I also have extra batteries that have been ordered off of amazon.  And, just in case you missed it, I did say for the day when they wear out. Not when they get uselessy tossed aside because something newer and better came on the market.

Just don’t stop me in the street and ask me to take your picture with your touchscreen phone. I don’t know how that shit works. – C.U.Next Tuesday, -R.Dolly


Tuesday Ramblings

Endophobic Tendencies

While preparing ingredients for a charcuterie board and ingredients for pizza, I came to the life altering realization that I’m an endophobe. I was chopping off the icky pointy ends of the european pepperoni when I told R-Dolly that I can’t put the ends on the tray because they gross me out. I quickly looked over the other ingredients I’d already chopped. I’d removed the following: both ends of the cherry tomatoes, the little black apex of the red peppers, and the end pieces of the salami. Once I said it out loud, the realization froze me in place. I AM AN ENDOPHOBE!!!

I frantically thought back over the years and realized I’m one fucked up motherfucker. I don’t know what childhood trauma caused this phobia but I’ve apparently been like this since I was little. I NEVER eat the crusts of bread even if they’re the last pieces in the bag. I don’t like end or edge pieces of cake, lasagna, or anything else that’s cooked in a baking dish. I will take a piece out of the middle and leave all the edges intact. When I cook, I cut off the ends, stem area, and the apex of every fruit and vegetable. I cut the ends off of bananas which, honestly, everyone should do already because the little ends on the banana are just disgusting no matter what your feelings are about ends.

Don’t even get me started on end or expiry dates. Milk is to be dumped on the expiry date by someone other than myself, if there happens to be any left. I have cereal eaters at home so, thankfully, that doesn’t happen often. Sour milk is disgusting. I know that one began when I was little and drank expired milk without knowing the horror that was about to explode in my mouth.

The end of an amazing movie, trilogy, TV series, book or book series is a tragedy. I realize that during a horror movie there are only so many characters that can trip, fall and be murdered by an axe murderer; die of an unknown virus; turn into zombies or be murdered by a human sized sex-starved mutant bunny rabbit running around with a huge penis/dildo boner as he chases them. It’s an actual movie!!!! I can’t make shit like that up. Bunny, the Killer Thing was extremely entertaining and I feel weird admitting that I’ve watched it more than once, but I totally have. The huge dildo flapping in the wind as he chases females and a couple of unfortunate males while growling “PUSSY” was the funniest shit ever. It was hilarious and gory and disgusting. It’s also a Finnish Horror movie with subtitles and I love me some foreign horror movies! I believe there was an English dubbed version but I avoid those like the plague. The words not matching the mouth movement is too distracting.

Speaking about the sex-deprived mutant rabbit also makes me realize that my husband’s lucky that the penis has a ‘head’ and not an ‘end’ or his penis would’ve been hand and mouth deprived or, even worse, my habit of cutting the ends off everything might have disastrous consequences for his parts. Now that I’ve acknowledged my shortcoming concerning ends, I can accept myself for who I am and move on with my life.

~C. Dolly~

Tuesday Ramblings

Late Nights and Early Mornings


We have been pulling some pretty late nights here during the last week, which is all fine and dandy when you don’t have to be up early in the morning. We have been doing the usual, spreading ourselves into a teeny tiny thin little line, and hoping that nothing breaks. So far no one has ended up dead, so its a win. AND, we opened up our new restaurant! We have been trying to use local ingredients, keep the menu small (and simple – which will help minimize waste) as well as utilize some of our favourite recipes like roasted marinara sauce, homemade tobasco (keep following our blog as this one will be posted in the coming months) and our favourite signature caesar named after our favourite little pug, Dolly!

I can’t let you in on all of our secrets, but if you have only tried drinking a caesar made with vodka, you have not yet taken a ride on the flavour express. While a gin caesar can be good, a caesar made with some good old Jack Daniels can’t be beat. And that folks, is how we remain sane in the Dolly households! 4 hours of sleep at night and the perfect mixed drink can still bring a smile to my face. Because someone making you a mixed drink means love. Anyone can crack a beer – real love means emptying out the pantry – C.U.Next Tuesday, R.Dolly

Monthly Articles

Summer Clam Bake

1-IMG_6067Even though we don’t live near the ocean, I wish we did. I miss the sound of the waves, the smell of the salt air and the plethora of fresh sea food. I would move back in a heartbeat if I wasn’t so terrified that one day a huge earthquake will hit and the coastline will sink.  So, summer time usually means a trip to the coast to say a quick “hello” to the ocean and gorge myself at a restaurant on the Harbour Quay.

This summer, the trip will not be possible, so we are doing the next best thing and having a clambake. Without clams, since we couldn’t find any to purchase, and we baked it in a roaster oven instead of a pit in the sand. This is basically the equivalent of someone who gives a recipe 5 stars on allrecipes.com but changed the whole thing – “Yes, I loved this recipe for deep fried cod, but I made a few changes and used tilapia instead of the cod. I also chose not to deep fry it since I’m trying to be healthier and chose to wrap it in parchment paper with a slice of lemon on top. Was fantastic! Will definitely make it again.”

The history of the clambake dates back to pre-colonization when the First Nations people along the coastlines would cook their seafood in large pits dug in the sand. Hot rocks would be layered at the bottom of a pit, topped with seaweed, clams, mussels and Sebastian’s ancestors (or predecessors) depending on where you place Ariel and her mermaid family on the timeline of evolution, and topped with another layer of seaweed. 

When we think of clambakes, we also think of beer. And homemade potato chips. And pie. Cherry pie to be exact. Because we are obviously super wholesome people. Warrant kinda wholesome.



And we did them all to perfection. Best and easiest dinner ever! Pinkie swear. 


Decorations, aka. ambiance:

It was a lot of fun and easier than we expected. We will definitely be planning a clambake 2.0 in the near future.

And, while we’re speaking of parties, don’t forget to check out our Top 10 Most Interesting People at a Party – R. Dolly.


Top 10

Top 10 Most Interesting People at a Party

people watching

“People watching or crowd watching is the act of observing people and their interactions. It involves picking up on idiosyncrasies to try to guess at another person’s story. This includes speech in action, relationship interactions, body language, expressions and activities.”

Since I was little, I’ve subconsciously watched people around me. I’ve never done it in a degrading way. I find human interactions fucking fascinating and when I was in Las Vegas there was a plethora of specimens to observe. “Actions speak louder than words” is the best way to describe what you can learn while watching others around you. You learn who people are and what their character traits are by watching how they interact with the world and by paying attention to how they treat and interact with others.

  1. The Know-It-All – I don’t know which person is more enjoyable to watch. The person who thinks they’re always right and will defend that position until their last gasp of poisoned brown air or the person who actually is right and is trying to state their reasons why they’re right. Even if the answer was sitting right between the two people, glowing hot pink and waving frantically at The Know-It-All, that bitch would still argue that they were right. It’s not enjoyable when it’s yourself trying to talk to The Know-It-All – unless you find a way to have fun with them. Here’s a tip: make up something totally, ridiculously false that sounds true just to hear them argue about it because you know they’ll lose sleep for days to come by preparing their arguments for your next meeting.
  2. The Belligerent Drunk – Hopefully, this dude shows up with someone willing to wrangle them into a cab when they’ve worn out their welcome. The person who goes from laughing one minute to yelling and getting violent the next. Then, goes back to laughing. It’s a vicious circle that needs to be broken by going the fuck home.
  3. The Drunken Ho – The D.H. is a wily one. Usually they’re smart enough to attach themselves to single guys/girls. Every once in awhile, they go all no-fucks-given and try to get with an attached. Who’s attachee isn’t putting up with that shit. All hell breaks loose and it’s on. Like Donkey Kong.donkey
  4. The Insecure Bitch – You know the one. The one who once upon a time dated, kissed, talked to or heard about the guy you’re with. The one who sits with her group of friends and says hi to everyone but you and then rolls her eyes and makes meaningful eye contact with the girls around her as you walk by. The one who really needs to find happiness within herself and stop photoshopping all her pictures because she’s truly beautiful just the way she is.
  5. The Text-A-Holic – This type of person isn’t only rude at a party. They’re assholes everywhere! This is the person who spends most of their time at a party talking to others while simultaneously texting because they’re either delusional and think they’re so fucking important that the world will end if they don’t respond to the text or they have low self-esteem and want to appear important. Either way, they should’ve just stayed home and sent texts to the people at the party because trying to have a conversation with someone who is saying “uh-huh” as they type furiously on their phone is a total fun-sucking experience. It’s completely acceptable to tell them they’re being a douchecanoe or, if you want to avoid the potential fallout, just walk away when they’re mid-text.
  6. The Stoner – They appear as if out of nowhere, cloaked in a cloud of smoke, like a chill magician full of eternal wisdom. They can be found lounging peacefully in a comfortable chair sharing the secrets to a fulfilling life or, in some cases, hiding in a shed frantically inhaling and waving the smoke away before someone with judgie eyes happens upon them.
  7. The It’s-All-About-Me – Not to be confused with The Drama Queen, The It’s-All-About-Me is the person who is loud and can’t refrain from butting into every conversation. However, instead of talking about other people, they focus on getting every single conversation back onto the most important subject–themselves. They will interrupt you mid-sentence to say they, or their children, did the same thing. But better. And faster. Before they were even born. You’ll never finish a sentence when they’re around and they’ll only move along to the next victims when their bat-like hearing picks up another topic of conversation they can be better at.
  8. The All-Up-On-Ya-Talker – Some people are oblivious to the “personal bubble.” I have a bubble and if you get all up in it and I don’t really know you, I have no problem telling you to back off. I’ve actually uttered the words “fuck off or die” on occasion. It creeps me out and actually makes my skin crawl. If I know you, and like you, the bubble disappears. While at a party, I was watching an extremely drunk guy talk to my husband, Derek. The Talker was weaving back and forth towards Derek, almost yelling, falling on him whenever he laughed and was totally oblivious to the look of horror on Derek’s face and the “help me” look he kept giving me. I would’ve saved him but, quite frankly, I was so relieved and kind of excited that it was happening to someone else and I could observe. I was surprised to see how much restraint my man had and how he effectively dealt with the situation (if you call “effective” pawning the talker off on someone else and then spending the rest of the night ducking and weaving to remain out of his line of sight.)
  9. The Unknown – Probably the most feared of all party guests, The Unknown really should walk into your house with the Jaws theme proceeding them. They usually end up being a lot of fun but every once in awhile, it’s a horrifying train wreck that’s invited to cross the threshold. Like a vampire. And while you may want to sharpen a stake in preparation for the inevitable, it’s a highly frowned upon solution. By the time they’ve been forcefully removed, they’ve managed to drip food out of their mouths and back into the food bowls, onto the Drama Queen, on the floor and down their permanently stained wife-beater.
  10. The Drama Queen – The Drama Queen doesn’t just focus on herself. She’s a multi-tasking maniac: She will cut The Know-It-All down to size for not agreeing with her; spread gossip about The All-About-Me because she’s taking her limelight ; freak out about the drink that The All-Up-On-Ya dribbled on her; use her judgie eyes on The Stoner; scream at The Text-A-Holic for ignoring her; make The Insecure Bitch even more insecure; throw the food that The Unknown spilled on her back into his face; push The Belligerent Drunk so far past anger that he’s sitting in a safe place rocking back and forth while sobbing; and goes all Donkey Kong on The Drunken Ho for trying to attach to her boyfriend. She’s a fascinating creature to watch because the next aneurysm inducing catastrophe is just around the corner.

~C. Dolly~


Seafood Bonanza

Due to our lack of a sandy beach, for our version of the bake, we used this bad boy. It won’t give you the traditional smoke flavour that you can get from hot coals, but it is clean and convenient. 194dbdba-770f-47e5-a2c2-6796731c0d5a_1.1e5ca0ecf8c00367cbb9ed6c34880fb8


  • 1.25 cups White Wine
  • 3/4 cups water
  • 6 cloves garlic
  • 2 shallots (omit if you have a guest with allergies  like we did – thanks, Derek!)
  • 2 lemons, quartered
  • 1/4 tsp. red pepper flakes
  • 1/4 tsp. black peppercorns
  • 6 cups of baby potatoes
  • 2 cobs of corn cut into wheels
  • 3 cups chorizo sausage (precooked)
  • SEAFOOD we got carried away and used lobster tails, crab legs, mussels, prawns and shrimp
  1. Pour white wine and water into the bottom of the roaster and add pepper flakes, garlic, shallots, peppercorns, seasoning salt, thyme and a bay leaf to taste. Heat to 400-425F.
  2. Here is where you start to add your ingredients in the order of how long they take to cook. We did potatoes (cook 20 minutes), lobster tails, sausage, lemons, crab legs (cook for 10 minutes), corn, shrimp and mussels (cook an additional 3-4 minutes).  Roughly. Now. This is the best tip you will ever read. DO NOT. I repeat, do NOT listen to the recipes that say to cook your potatoes for 8-10 minutes before adding your corn and seafood. These are obviously people who like their potatoes as hard as rocks and their seafood like rubber.  If you have cooked any seafood in your lifetime, you know that some of that shit takes a total of 3 minutes before it’s overdone. We cooked our potatoes for about 20 minutes before adding our next layer. You are also walking a fine line between giving your guests the best meal of their life, or the shits. So you do want to make sure that everything is cooked properly.  If you’re super anal, you can take the internal temperature of your lobster (135 F), but generally, we just cook our seafood to colour or opaqueness. 

We couldn’t dump it onto a table covered in newspaper and ‘dig in’ as suggested, because I refuse to eat newspaper ink. I can hardly stand to read the crap that passes for news now a days much less eat it. We chose to serve it from trays at each end of the table so we could bypass the dreaded dinner party ‘reach across’

Seafood is never complete without some butter to dip it in. You could be basic and use nothing more than melted butter, which is fine, but we are not basic. We had two different flavours of butter for our dinner. One was garlic lemon and the other was Sriracha. You can clarify your own butter or use Ghee. Melt and flavour to taste. –R.Dolly