Tuesday Ramblings

Rape Van or Just an Innocent Mode of Transportation?


I often hear parents tell their teenage offspring, that they have no idea how easy they have it these days. Parties are arranged via Facebook invites, you always have access to a phone to text/snapchat with friends and now you can even see where all your friends are with snap maps. I happen to find this all horrifying. I know parents who have their kids phones lojacked! No doubt I would have done this myself had I allowed my kids to have a phone when they were younger, but looking at this from a former sneaky teenager’s point of view, I would have to say that we had it better by far. 

First of all, with cell phones, you expect someone to be reachable 24/7.  Back when I was a teenager, you had to call a landline to speak with someone. Unless of course you were rich and had a giant cell phone, but even then, there were no towers so you couldn’t use it 90% of the time anyway.  Parents were super polite back in the day as well, and they wouldn’t dream of calling someones house at 3am to see if you were there unless it was an absolute emergency. And, who actually wanted to admit to other parents that they had no idea where their children were? Without cell phones, it was possible to call parents at your curfew time from some random house assuring them that you were back at your friends house for the night and heading to bed. There was many a party where the music would go off and you would hear, “Quiet! so and so is calling their mom.”  In later years, my mother became quite savy and bought herself a scanner so she could cruise by the parties being broken up by the police so she could locate her errant offspring.

Instead of sitting at home texting friends to see what everyone was doing, people would drive around by the car load, pulling ‘mainers’ (driving down main street again and again), until they met up with more cars in the 7-11 parking lot. At that time, someone would either admit that their parents were out of town and we would invade their house, or we would start the collection of pallets to have a pit party.  Lots of time was spent out 4xing and an equal amount of time was also spent walking home. Either way, it was an adventure!

Looking back, we made a tonne of bad decisions, but managed to survive. Mostly due to luck rather than skill. By far, the worst decision ever was the night our POS car died on the way to a party out in the sticks and we decided we would hitchhike. We were so committed to making it there that we actually hopped into a van. With no windows. And no backseats. But…. it looked like the drivers were friendly enough and they pinky swore that they wouldn’t kill us.  The driver assured us that it wasn’t a rape van and it only looked that way because he had a brother in a wheelchair that he needed to take places.  Seemed legit, and we were super confident that we would be able to take them on if need be. Even though we had a combined weight of 300 lbs.

This changed once we got in and saw that there was no way to open a door from the back. We were officially the dumb girls that you watch in a horror show getting themselves into a terrible situation. 

Unfortunately, we forgot how far out the party was. Our driver was starting to get super irritated with us, but we just kept telling him that it was, “just a little further….” Half an hour later with two irritated out of towners (who so would not have been welcome at the party to begin with) and us rolling around the back of a rape van, we finally arrived…to see that the party was over. It was a pretty silent ride back to town, and I think that we were all pretty relieved to see each other go our separate ways. Looking back, every single one of us is amazed by our stupidity. But, we had liquid courage and if someone had a video tape of it, they could have used it to dissuade teenagers from drinking.

~C.U.NextTuesday, R.Dolly


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