Tuesday Ramblings

The Sound of Mus…er…Urinals

I would love to become an architect just to fuck with people. The architect who designed the washrooms in our library sure had a sense of humor. To be born with that sense of humor, have that talent and make that much money…well, you know he’s getting all the chicks.

Let me show all you Dollies exactly what I’m talking about:
Edited bathroom

The labyrinth design with no doors blocking washroom access is fairly common in airports, malls, and stores. These are all busy and noisy public places. Where you probably shouldn’t see this design is in a library. This building was gutted and designed specifically for a library, including the washrooms. It’s a beautiful cavernous space with a two-story high ceiling and a solarium on one end which is used as a reading area. The men’s washroom is two steps into the washroom, and three steps over to the urinal. When a guy uses the urinal, the sound echoes throughout the whole library. 

This style has become popular because it’s less conducive to unwanted activity and it reduces the transmission of germs on door handles because some people are disgusting and don’t wash their pissy-ass hands. People can still do nefarious activities in a room with no door as they are still out of sight. The transmission of germs is decreased by having no handles. However, twice there has been shit smeared up the walls, on the floor and all over the toilet. I don’t mean ‘shit’ like ‘random stuff.’ I mean actual human feces. Finger-painted with the vigor of a kindergarten child creating their first work of art for their mom or dad. Plus, I don’t know how many times I’ve checked the washrooms at closing only to see a big puddle of urine underneath the urinal.

Guys, I know it’s a difficult concept for a few of you, but it’s supposed to go into the urinal…not underneath it. Your aim is terrible. I don’t even have a penis and I bet I could get it in the urinal if I did some ninja-like yoga move or propping of the leg up on the side of the urinal or some other sketchy shit. And guess what???? Even if I wasn’t 100% successful, I would totally fucking try!!!!

Unfortunately, those who already urinate everywhere except into the urinal, will re-offend in any style of public washroom. A solution would be to label one of the washrooms “Disgusting Pigs.” It could be made of stone with a big drain in the middle of the floor and shower heads in the ceiling which, once the door is locked and a switch is activated, it would spray the room down with bleach water using the shower heads and rotating lawn sprinkler heads to really get in and clean those easy to piss on surfaces. It would then be ready for the next day. Yes, I’ve put a lot of thought into this throughout my time there.

Check out this public washroom in Tokyo and the features it has (the wand idea is orgasmic):


“Each restroom at Tokyo’s new 13-story Daimaru department store is coordinated to match it’s particular floor’s ambience. But the real draw here is the bidet-style techno-toilets. Toto’s Washlets – ubiquitous in Japan, but refreshingly novel to those unfamiliar with them – feature a self-cleaning wand that extends to the middle of the basin, squirting temperature-controlled water at all the right angles. Press a button on the remote control to heat the ergonomically contoured seat or switch on the “sound princess,” to subtly disguise in-stall activities with recordings of running brooks or ocean waves.” – C.Dolly



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